no more

My blog stays

I wanted to rant and scold someone who I used to love dearly.
While I was typing it, the kind of bitterness came out in me so deeply that it's wrong. It doesnt matter if I'm wronged, because I'm usually am a target of that.
I'll let it be. If there's anything, I'm moving on to something new...

I cant live like this....
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Precept class today was good. Around 8-12 Chapter into 1 Samuel. Many things to reflect on...

What are the "kings" in our life? Is there something you prayed hard for, want so badly and must have?
God hears our prayers and cries - and does answer our prayers and needs.
But the problem comes when the timing is not right, not in God's will, we are not ready yet, and we finally get what we threw tandrum/seek for. And in the end, its always never what we think it turns out to be.

I don't relationship is not one of the kings. I want a relationship, but does not necessary mean that I desire it so much its blinding my path.

I think one of my "kings" is probably the need for getting redressed for the injustice. I never felt if anyone stood up for me. Whenever I'm being bullied, hurt, abandoned - everyone else just looks on, and keeps quiet.
I wished someone could stand up and say a word for me.
Today I'm reminded that God never abandons me. And He's always there, giving me the faith even though I've screwed up one too many times but in His Sovereignty He still does, for His namesake because He holds up His covenant to His people.
And all He requires us to do is to obey and serve Him.

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I've been rather childish to be stomping my foot for justice to be done. To point it back to X or Y persons and say they are etcs. I'm truely ashameded.

Again, I dont know how many times I need to say sorry. Sorry to all who I've said things which I shouldnt have, in my anger letting it to turn and root into bitterness. I could understand, but I couldnt let it follow to my heart because it was too much too bear having to be hurt so many times and falling over and over again. I accept the truth that God loves me and never leaves me alone in my intellect, but it took a longer time to travel down to my heart and emotions.
Last few days was an indicator that I should have stopped to look at myself. I didnt - I chose to feed the anger and let it burn both actually and literally.
Justice seems sweeter... but the bitterness was equally bitter. Like galls.

God's words will definately transform. And only God can change the winds and tides.

posted by gloomy @ 2:45 AM