no more

=) Contented

I think I'm rather contented now. Even though I dont have a lot of things, or a boyfriend... even though I'm still cynical and sometimes strive to be politically right to some extend - still I feel contented right now.

As much as I want to get some attention now... all these fades away quickly (and thank God for that).

We all live in a society that seeks attention, and as much as we want to deny - we numb ourselves with an invisble anesthesia when we refuse to face our own weakness and pain. Anesthesia ranging from work, to smoke, to alchol. Anything. Anything that free us from the moment, a state of euphoria prehaps. A self mechanism act of protecting to get away from the pain.
Taunting pain still comes back - and a vicious cycle of depending on the anesthesia continues.

For sometime, I couldnt deal with the pain and guilt. Maybe that is why it took me longer than what people think was suppose be a recovery period. That I drowned myself with work - the satisfaction from work filled up the void of the need of acceptance and encouragement from people that I thought should be giving me.

For now - its not the time yet for another relationship. And I'm finally giving to God and owe up to Him that I know its not the time yet. And there's so much things for me to do now!!! Hahahha.

Havent started any christmas shopping though. Dont know if I should give any presents. If I give one, but dont give another - not fair right. So sian.

Anyway, I'm one step closer to getting pooky! expensive but woooooooo Pooky... POOOKY!!! *MUACKS*

So now - its just Jesus, me and my teddy fellows in our teddy acres den. haha.

posted by gloomy @ 1:12 AM